mama.

Every now and then I look in the mirror and see you staring back at me. 

Everyone has always said we look just alike but now I see it more and more.

It's kinda the best thing ever.

You have always been so beautiful inside and out.

Beautiful when you were happy and the sun shone on your face as we walked laps around the pond with Lily.

Beautiful when you wept in the bathtub from feelings hurt and gone too long without mending.

Beautiful whether life gave you bliss or anguish.

You bring beauty to trial and to triumph.

Now, more than ever you are teaching me to be strong.

To never give up.

To believe that things will get brighter again.

You have never let me doubt that I am worthy and strong and beautiful.

I still remember you holding Jasmine and I close and whispering that no other girls in the world had ever been so beautiful.

I believed every word. 

Thank you for loving me. I know I didn't make it easy.

Thank you for trusting me and letting me try, fail and try again.

Thank you for teaching me to believe in me.

Sometimes I imagine what it was like to be a babe in your arms. I don't remember but I know it must've been warm and safe and perfect. I like to think about you tickling my little baby toes and smelling my baby hair; all the things I love to do with my own children. I am certain you were beyond crazy about me.  You never hesitated to tell me so as far back as I can remember and I love you for that. And for so many other reasons.

You have been the perfect mother for me. I am quite sure Heavenly Father put us together intentionally. And I am so grateful he did.

Today and everyday, I love you.

And I am grateful for you.

Happy Mother's Day Mama.

M

almost a post.

                                                      (Because this is a hot pic of my hubby and I wanna see it when I open my blog)

Hard to believe it's been almost a month since my last post. Poor, pitiful neglected blog. I still miss you and love you so. Miles is finished napping though (maybe forever) so I'm not quite sure when I will find the time to reconnect with my writing on a regular basis and that makes me sad. He needs me more than I need my blog though.

Yesterday within the span of what seemed like five minutes he scratched my arms to pieces, kicked me in the throat and shoved his baby brother across the room. Heaven help me. I love love love him but this aggression has to stop. Today his punishment for shoving baby brother was taking a nap. He actually went for it too. Amazing. Maybe threat of nap will keep him in line. At least it has worked today. Sorta.

This very same little boy gives the sweetest cuddles and wants so often to be in my arms or on my back or playing silly games with me. He says I love you freely and uses please and thank you more often than not. We lie together before bedtime imagining up beautiful places and fantastically creepy bugs and creatures with our eyes tightly shut and then crack up laughing when we catch one another peeking. He loves to climb trees, adventure through ditches and tunnels and play in water. He is quite the little outdoors man. He loves to play really REALLY loud rock music and dance around the room wildly. He is boy through and through and I am proud to be his mama. I just need to channel his energy into constructive paths. Summer soccer here we come! Also, any and all tips or advice on mothering spirited children welcome below.

Lets's see what else is up here???

I got my grades back from my first semester at Florida State..... 4.0 baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah.

And baby brother just woke up so that is all.

M

4.4.12

Today I am happy that you are here.
Happy that you are tucked away safely just a room away.
I spent today holding you close, soaking up your perfect chubby cheekiness,
thanking God you're alive,
For every breath you take.

Today marks a year since I found you lying still in your bassinet, not breathing, blue.
I was too afraid to scream. No sound would come out.
I grabbed you and pulled you close to me.
You immediately started breathing again.
Thank God you started breathing again.

We still don't know exactly why you stopped breathing or what may have happened had I not woken up to check on you at that very moment. I don't really want to know.

I just want to be grateful.
I love that I get to see you smile and laugh and grow more and more perfect everyday.
I am so thankful to be able to hold you and blow raspberries into your neck anytime I please.
I am so so sorry for the mothers who weren't so lucky. Whose babies never woke up.
Lord be with them please.

Thank you so much for my sweet baby boy. He is more than I deserve. Please help me be the mother he needs.

M

these days.

Overhearing a man in a three piece suit talking about auditing and other smart numbery sounding words is hot.

When you get to take that very same man home with you. Even hotter.

My patience can go from thick as thieves to razor thin in about .1 second. Especially if hair pulling is involved. Do NOT touch my hair.

Pretty much every one of our weekends is booked through May. How is that even possible?

Miles listens to every single word I say. 

Peeta was beautiful in the movie. Katniss was unbelievable. I loved it but, just as the book did, it made me very very sad. Still recovering.

I can grill! Soon I will achieve perfect wife status. Just watch me. (except for the part where our house is a wreck, there's not enough sweat pants in the world in my opinion and I rock the no-make up/bun combo on the reg.

There is less than a week left in my precious baby's first year. Sob. There is no plan to wean him insight either and I DO NOT care.

Reese's Eggs are part of our daily 2,000 now and it is ahhhhmazing. If you're ever in the neighborhood drop some by and  I'll love you forever.

Annnnnnnnnnnd............. I am officially under pre-Ollie weight. (By .2 lbs but still!) Welcome back to the 120's me. It's a good day.

Peace Love and Reese's.

M

don't wanna forget come daylight.

I love you.

I love you for staying up late night after night helping me with my statistics homework.

I would never pass without your encouragement and tutoring prowess. You know how my brain works and how to explain things so I can comprehend.

Like I said, I love you.

I love that you have spent almost an entire year with me getting to know and love our squishy new baby brother. 

I love that you were there with me when I delivered our sons. I did the work but you were my champion. You cheered, consoled, encouraged. Every time I said I couldn't you told me I could. 

I love you.

I love the easy way we get along everyday. I am SO grateful for the peace that I feel when I am with you. The warmth that fills the space between us.

I am never afraid to be myself and tell the truth with you.

I love the way you compliment me all the time. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I love that we watch crap tv together and laugh and laugh.

I love that the last words out of our mouths every night are "I love you." 

I love being your wife.

You are meant for me.

I am so so so happy to have you all to myself. 

Forever.

Bagel

ollie.

Sweet baby, you amaze me everyday. I love watching you crawl around the family room discovering little things that make you smile. You are smart as a whip my child. And you climb like a monkey. Our home is your jungle gym. I find it so amusing and impressive that you can already play catch. You know just what to do when someone throws a ball to you.

You are the happiest baby in the world Oliver. Your smile goes on for miles and miles. Speaking of Miles, you are INSANE about him. You want to do everything he does. In fact just today I caught you teetering at the top pf the slide (which was next to the tree Miles was climbing) grasping with all you had for those branches. Your time will come sweet one. You also love playing chase with Miles. He will crawl after you and the two of you just laugh and laugh. Your laugh is magical sweet baby.

You are your father's child. You can't help but start dancing when music plays. Even if it's just a jingle on a commercial you start bouncing up and down with the biggest grin. I love that your grin still only has two tiny teeth. You're welcome to stay my baby boy forever ya know. Just sayin'. Lately you learned a new dance and it.is.awesome. Whenever the music especially moves you, you sit up on your knees and throw both arms high above your head and jump/scoot along the floor. Hilarious! Dang I love you.

There was a moment a couple weeks ago that I want to remember forever. You were having a little milk snack amid the chaos of the older children playing around us. My milk was just letting down when you popped off to check out the wild things in action. When you turned back to my breast you were met with three streams of milk spraying at you in all directions. Your little face was getting covered with milk and you just kept shaking your head from side to side, swinging your little hands after the milk, laughing wildly. Heaven. And once again, seriously hilarious.

You are so special to me Oliver Wesley. And I can't believe it's already time to plan your first birthday party. I hope you know I'm bananas for you.

Love,
Mommy

we had a party.

Lest my first born's third birthday party be forgotten (and all my hard work with it) I am going to post a few pics here, even though its two months later.

 

There were monsters everywhere!

 

 I kinda had way too much fun creating these bad boys.

 

 Amazing Cake by my madre.

 A gazillion WONDERFUL guests!

 That cake tasted even better than it looked too.

 This is one happy birthday boy.

The birthday boy enjoying some of his spoils.


Thank you all who attended, you really made my little guys' big day super special.


M